found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
