I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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