I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
