i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
