I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
