I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
