I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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