Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
