We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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