just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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