everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
