i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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