her facebook's as public as her vagina
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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