Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
