Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish you could order shots online.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
