Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
