It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
