Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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