So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
