No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
