420 ftw
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
