wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
