Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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