does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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