k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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