Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
