Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
