The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
