Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
