I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
