Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
