it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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