My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
