but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
