party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
