I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
