I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
