Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
