the condom got lost in my hair
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
