I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
