dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
