I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
