After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
