We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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