He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
