i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
