Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
