It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
