I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
