I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
